New HR Policy For Productivity

Dress Code-

• You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
• If we see you wearing PRADA shoes, carrying GUCCI bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.
• If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nice clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
• IF you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Leave-

• We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as a proof of sickness. If you are able to go to doctor, you are able to come to work too. Only a death certificate is acceptable. That too, would be valid till the funeral. You's have to continue the office after the funeral.

 Casual Leave-

• Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They would be called Saturdays and Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks-

• Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet, and the employees feel proud that they are being paid to poop. there is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper and muslin towel will retract, that stall door will be open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company's bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's metal health policy.

Lunch Break-

• Skinny people get a 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so they can look healthy. Normal people will get 15 minutes for lunch to get a meal good enough to keep them alive in their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a slim-Fast.

Regards,
HR.