When a men writes advice columms

Dear John,
            I hope you can help me. The other day i was set off for work, leaving my husband in house watching TV. My car stalled then it broke down about a mile down the road and i have to walk back to get my husband's help. When i get back home i couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our neighbor's daughter!

            I am 32, my husband is 34 and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When i confronted him he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for past six months. He won't go to counseling and i'm afraid i am a wreak and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheela.

Dear Sheela,

             A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wire. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

              I hope This helps.

John

Differences between Music Genres

Sentence:- I saw a Flower.

RAP:-
Yo! I was hangin' wit my mutherfuckin' homies and we saw a mutherfuckin' flowa' in a mutherfuckin' garden.

Pop:-
I saw a flower, I saw a flower, I saw a flower.
It had blue petals; blue petals, blue petals.

Rock:-
In field where nothing grew but weeds i found a flower at my feet, bending there in my direction.

Metal:-
AARRSSGHGGHHHH - FLOOOOOWWWWWWEEEEERRRR!!!!!
AAAAhhhAhhAGAGAAAAAHHHHH - IN A FIELD!!!

Country:-
I was ridin' a tractor and i was drinkin' a beer bur then i saw a puberty little flower and i said- "Hey, yall! It's one of dem flowers!"

न्यूज़ रीडर का लव लैटर (रसीले प्रेम पत्र-2)

मेरी प्रिये मधुरवाणी,

यह टनकपुर है, इस समय दोपहर के ठीक 12 बज कर 13 मिनट और 14 सेकंड हुए है. अब तुम अपने पति से अपने घर का समाचार सुनो . जब से तुम अपनी सहेलिओ के साथ पिकनिक मनाने हिल स्टेशन गयी हो तब से यहाँ का वातावरण शांतिपूर्ण है. परन्तु कभी कभी हमारे पिंकी और बबलू के झगड़ो की वजह से स्थिति तनावपूर्ण हो जाती है. तुम्हारे माईके से प्राप्त समाचारों के अनुसार पिछले सप्ताह तुम्हारे मामाजी ने अपना बयान जारी करते हुए कहा है कि भविष्य में अब वो कभी बाथरूम में अपना पैर नहीं रखेंगे......


और अभी-अभी विश्वस्त सूत्रों से समाचार मिला है कि बबलू और पिंकी में दोबारा फसाद प्रारंभ हो गया है. बबलू ने पिंकी कि पेंसिल तोड दी और पिंकी ने बबलू के बाल नोच लिए थे. इस कारण बेडरूम के छेत्र में तनाव काफी बढ़ गया है, तुम्हारी कांच कि अलमारी को छति पहुंची है किन्तु मैंने ठीक समय पे पहुच के स्थिति को नियंत्रण में ले लिया. दोनों पक्षो में समझौता कराने का प्रयास जारी है. मैंने बेडरूम के छेत्र में कर्फू लगा दिया है. दोनों कि हरकतों पे कड़ी नज़र रखी जा रही है. शाम तक स्थिति शांत हो जाएगी.


और अब मौसम की जानकारी, आसमान साफ़ है, धूप निकली है. छत पर कपडे सूख रहे है. किचन में दूध उबल रहा है, सब्जी जल रही है. किचन अस्त-व्यस्त और मैं पस्त हूँ. अतः तुमसे अनुरोध है की अपनी पिकनिक स्थगित करके शीघ्र वापस आ जाओ. इसी के साथ घर के समाचार समाप्त हुए, नमस्कार.

तुम्हारा पति,
राज शरण भारती

पुलिस इंस्पेक्टर का लव लैटर (रसीले प्रेम पत्र-1)

डी. एस. पी. (डब्बू, शामू और पप्पू) की माँ,
सदा ख़बरदार रहो,

तुम्हारे घर से मौकाए-फरार हुए पुरे तीन हफ्ते हो चुके है. मैंने तुम्हे सिर्फ दो हफ्तों की मोहलत दी थी मगर मियाद पूरी होने के बावजूद तुम वापस नहीं लौटी इसलिए मैं तुम्हे इस ख़त के रूप में वार्रेंट भेज रहा हूँ, मैं तुम्हे आखरी वार्निंग देता हूँ अगर ख़त मिलने के बाद दो दिन के अन्दर डी. एस. पी. सहित तुमने अपने आपको मेरे हवाले नहीं किया तो मैं ससुराल में छापा मारने पहुँच जाऊंगा.

तुम नहीं जानती डी. एस. पी. की माँ कि तुम्हारे बिना ये घर सूनी हवालात सा लगता है. तुम्हारी शक्की नजरो कि कसम बगैर तुम्हारे न मेरा दिल पीनो को करता है (रम) न खाने को (रिश्वत). तुम्हारे गम में मैं गुंडों को पीटता रहता हूँ.

दिन भर तुम्हारी यादो में खोया रहता हूँ,
रात भर ड्यूटी पे सोया रहता हूँ.

इसिलए मेरे इलाके में चोरिया, डकैतिया, लूटमार बढ गयी है. चोर-उच्चको कि मौज आ गयी है. वो साले हरामखोर (तुम्हारे भाई नहीं) मुझ से पूछे बिना जनता को लूट रहे है. यह मैं हर्गिस बर्दास्त नहीं कर सकता इसिलए तुम्हारी खैरियत इसी में है कि तुम फ़ौरन अपने माइके का इलाका छोड़ दो वर्ना........

तुम्हारा रौबदार पति,
गर्जन सिंह

धमकीपुर.

Celebrities Passwords

Abhishek Bachchan:- Paa_sWord

Amitabh Bachchan:- Rekha

Sharukh khan:- pppppasword

Msdhuri Dixit:- 12345678910111213

Shahid Kapur:- Paffword

Bill Gates:- pMSword

Barack Obama:- TheBlackHouse

Deve Gowda:- zzZZZ

Sunil Bharti Mittal:- khuljaSIMSIM

Vijay Mallya:- calenderShouldHave20moths

ACP Pradyuman:- daya_the_door_braker

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar:- India

Rahul Dravid:- NothingShallPass

Saurav Ganguly:- Iamthebest

Navjot Singh Sidhu:- lol

Emraan Hashmi:- Muaaaaah

Nana Patekar:- kaeKOpoocha!

Gabbar Singh:- aakThoo!!

Rajnikant:- YouGottaBeKiddingMe (He don't need a password)

Professor explaining marketing concepts to Students

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"



2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. "Marry him." -That's Advertising"



3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"



4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations



5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition



6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - "That's Customer Feedback"



7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"



8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she

goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"



9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets"

What is KISS??

In Maths-

Kiss is the shortest Distance between two Lips.

In Physics-

Kiss is process of charging human body.

In computer-

Kiss is a local area network in which two bodies are connected without any data cable.

In Economics-

Kiss is a process In which demand is always higher than supply.

New system of Examination (E-20)

The Craze of Cricket is really improved by T-20 and IPL.

So we should also change our Examination System in order to increase the craze of exams among Students

Here are few steps to make it better-

1) Exam time should decrease to 1.5 hour and Marks up to 50.

2) Discussion Break after every 30 minute,

3) Students should have one Free Hit, in which they can give the answer of their choice in any of one question.

4) Starting 20 minutes of Powerplay, no examiner in examination hall in this period.

5) And last but not least... Dance of Cheer girls, for every right answer.

Wohoo!!! No one wanna miss this exam for sure.... xD xD

Funny Google Suggestions

6 Deadly Words used by a Woman

1) Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when thry are right and you need to shut up.

2) Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. this means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing ends in fire.

3) Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

4) Thanks
Don't faint, just say you're welcome.
Hard truth- She not thankful to you unless she says "Thanks a lot" and don't say 'you're welcome' here, that will bring on a Whatever.

5) Five Minutes
If she getting dressed, it mean half an hour. 5 minutes is only 5 minutes if you have just been given it to watch your game before helping around the house.

6) Whatever
It's a women's way to say F- YOU!

Beer is better than a women Because......

1) A Beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another Beer.

2) You can share a Beer with your friends.

3) When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a Beer.

4) Beer is always wet.

5) A Beer always goes down easy.

6) You can have more than one Beer in a night.

7) You can enjoy Beer every day of the month.

8) You always know you are the first one to pop a Beer.

9) Frigid Beer is a good Beer.

10) If you pour a Beer right, you always get a good head.

Story of Newton's Law (Comedy)

1) A cow was walking. Newton stopped it.
Cow stopped. He found his first law-
"An object continue to move unless it stopped"

2) He gave a FORCE by kicking the cow.
It gave a sound "MA!!" He formulated 2nd law-
"F=MA"

3) The cow gave kick back to Newton
And he got 3rd one-
"Every action has an Equal & Opposite reaction"

Computer Shayri

© Roj raat ko mere sapno me aati ho,
Mere pyar ko MOUSE bana ke apni ungalion pe nachati ho.


© Tere pyar ka E-MAIL mere dil ko lubhata hai,
Par beech me tere bhai ka VIRUS aa jata hai.


© Aur karwaoge hame Kitna intzar,
Hamare dil ki SITE pe Kabhi to ENTER maro yar.


© Tum mere dil ko test karna bhul gaye,
Dil se yese CUT kiya ki PASTE karna bhul gaye.


© Lackon honge nigaah me Kabhi mujhe bhi PICK karo,
Mere pyar ke ICON pe Kabhi to DOUBLE-CLICK karo.


© Esa nahi hai zana ki i dont like your face,
Par dil ke storage me hai- NO MORE DISC SPACE!!


© Ghar se jab tum nikle pahan ke reshmi gown,
Jane Kitne dilo ka ho gaya SERVER DOWN.


© Main tumhe pyar Kyu karu, tum nahi ho Ash,
Fir bhi tumhe dekh kar mera SYSTEM ho jata hai CRASH.


© Teri yad me sanam raat bhar hamne WINE piya,
Kabhi OFFLINE piya, Kabhi ONLINE piya.


© Apka hasna, apka chalna, apki wo style,
Apki adao ki hamne SAVE kar li hai FILE.


© Apke nakhre hamare dil pe yun BANG ho gaye,
Jaise 2 PC judte-judte HANG ho gaye.

Cool Definitions

©Justice: A decision in your favor.


©Adults: Just like kid who can watch A rated movies.


©Sale: Where you can buy things at 2 times gratar price.


©Cheat: A postcard having note 'cheque inside'.


©Ideal man: First husband of a widow.


©Alarm watch: A machine which is used to wake up those who have no child.


©Opportunist: Person who dropped in pool accidently and start taking bath.


©World biggest mean man: Who tells his wife of his vasectomy(nasbandi) when his wife told him about her prepodncy.


©Fault: Prove that you atleast tried same work.


©Crowd: Causes by two smart girls.


©Music lover: If he heard a girl singing in bathroom, he puts his ear at key-hole.


©Pedestrain: A car holder who's wife has learned driving.


©O turn: double U turn.


©Fool: One who trying to watch a girl from key hole who is bathing in a transparant bathroom.

Kiss and Slap (Hindi Poem)

Gali ke mod par ek aalisaan dukan,
Teen grahak vidyamaan vridha, uvti aur jawan,
Samano ke bech uljha dukandar,
Chal raha len-den, baat, vyavhar
Ki Achanak bijli ho gayi gul,
Charo or andkar me sabhi dubne lage.
Andhere me yuvak ko Mazak sujha bada pyara,
Usne apne hath ko kiss kiya
Aur dukandar ko ek jhapad de mara,
Chumban aur jhapad gunj utha
Jaise labh aur ghata jhanjhana utha sannata.
Budhiya Sochne lagi
Charitra-waan yuvti ne Acha kiya
Chumban ka jabab jhapad se diya,
Yuvti Sochti hai
Haay re murkh nadan, lagta bilkul anjan
Mujhe chod us budhiya par mar mita
Bechara faltu me pita
Aur dukandar sahlate hue apna gaal
Kar raha hai gum
Harkat kisi aur ki aur faltu me pit gaye hum.

Duniya aur aap- comic facts

© Agar koi admi kanhi late pahunche to vo wakt ka paaband nahi hai aur Agar aap kanhi late pahunche to aap wakt ke gulaam thode hi na hai.


© Agar koi admi kisi hotal me khana kha kar tip na de to vo kanjoos hai aur Agar aap kisi hotal me khana kha ker tip na de to aap paise ki kadar jante hai.


© Apke charo oor hahakaar hai, laikin aap shaant hai to iska matlab hai ki isthithi to gambheer hai laikin apke palle nahi padi hai.


© kahte hai ki "kaamyabi ka koi gavah nahi hota." Laikin nakaamyabi sabko dikhae daite hai.


©koi dusra galti kare to vo gairjimaidaar hai aur agar aap koi galti kare to galtiya aakhir insaan se hi hote hai.


© khud na karna pade to koi kaam namumkin nahi hai.


© Apko yakeen nahi hoga log aaj-kal kya-kya karte rahte hai. Abhi kal ki he baat hai, main ek mandir me khada tha, aarthi ho rahi the, itne me hi ek ladke ne cigrate sulga le. Main to ye dekh ke itna ghabra gaya ki mere hanth se bear ka gilaas girte-girte bacha.


© Main kal ek admi se mila. Mujhe vo kuch jyada hi andhvisvaasi laga. Vo khata hai ki main us saptaah me kaam nahi karta jisme sanivaar padta ho.


© Ek trak ke peche likha tha 'savan ko aane do.' Ek dusra trak usme ghus gaya. Pata hai us trak ke aage kya likha tha- 'savan aaya jhum ke.'


© Agar koi aap se kahe ki aap unke kisi parijan ka baal banka nahi kar sakte to aap samajh jaye ki vo zarur ganje hai.


© Zindgi yahi hai- har vo cheez jo apko pasand hai vo ya to gair-kanuni hai ya anaitik hai aur ya fir saadi-shuda hai.


© Agar kisi cheez par likha ho ki ek he size sabko fit hoga to samajhiye ke vo kisi ko fit nahi hoga.


© Ek jagah se chori, chori hai. Kaye jagah se chori resarch hai.


© Aap bank ke100 rupay ke karzdaar hai to ye aap ki problem hai. Laikin agar aap bank ke100 caror ke daindaar hai to ye bank ki problem hai.


© Koi dusra parti me pee kar 'out' ho jaye to vo bada sharabi hai aur Agar aap unhi halaat me ho to aap party ki jaan hai.


© Chugli to dusre karte hai, aap to hamesa sach bolte hai.


© Agar apko apki padosan duniya ki sabse bhali aurat lage to jara ek baar uske pati se bhe mil lijiye.


© LIC ke agent kitne ajeeb hote hai. Ghanto baith kar ek aurat ko ye samjhate hai ki aapke pati ke marne ke baad apko kya-kya subhidhaye mil sakti hai.


© kahte hai 'agar ghe sedhe ungli se na nikle to... ama! to chammch se nikaal lo har cheez me ungli karna jaruri hai kya?